Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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