before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
