she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
