Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
