Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
