Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
