forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
