a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
