Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
