i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
