the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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