oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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