apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
