well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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