Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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