dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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