Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
