I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
