shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
