am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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