dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
