you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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