is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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