I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
