wake up i wanna do it froggy style
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
