I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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