I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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