Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How's work?
Spinning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
