someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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