i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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