It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
