i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
