Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
