Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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