I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
