I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
