I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
