the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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