I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
