Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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