Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
