That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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