Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
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She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
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Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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