Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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