Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face