the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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