like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
