Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
