I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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