If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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