that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sext me about skeletons
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
