i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
