Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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