There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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