was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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