they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
