my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
