Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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