So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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