I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
