i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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